Late April Musings

It's been a month since my last post and here I am again sheepishly admitting that I should make more frequent posts. But jumping on my defense, I was having a quiet couple of months, and I don't know how much longer will I take a step back and take a long hard look at my life. 

The weather's lovely today. It's late April in the capital and somehow the temperature hasn't been soaring as yet. I spend the morning sprinting from the School to Ad Block running after some signatures that I need so badly yet by the time the sandstorm blew in the afternoon, I was safely tucked away in my room with a wet face towel on my nose!!! Yes! I have officially retreated on my war against sandstorm season... and mosquitoes!

Before I knew, we're almost halfway through the year and 2012 hasn't been good to me as of now. So I somehow wished it'd just past me by. Last year, I had a lot of plans going on for this year but nothing, absolutely nothing has been working out lately. My academic life is a drag, I'm perpetually broke and after five long years, I'm single again! I'm constantly on an emotional roller-coaster ride sometimes even hating myself on some low points. And to top it all off, bad news about a close relative's demise reached me last night. And still, there is something in me that tells me to prepare for the worse!

I was joking with my dear friend Engkima about how I just want to quit everything I'm doing here, go home, build myself a little shack on my father's terrace, grow old and die alone! I was joking, but half my heart is serious!! I call it the 'Tip of the Depression Iceberg'! Haaa!!! Only because I consider myself too young and too unaccomplished to be in a 'mid-life crisis'.

I probably need to be in this situation. There's a brighter side to everything. If my life has always been a breeze then I wouldn't know how to count my blessings. I've also realized a mistake I have committed through the years. I've realized how much I've depended on other people for my happiness and how pathetic our plans for the future can sometimes turn out.

So, today, it's all about taking a step on the journey to the inner being, learn to be thankful for what I'm blessed with and working hard for the rest. I've learnt that nothing's going to come easy for me, that I'll have to work for every single thing I need and want. After all, there's no such thing as a free lunch.

I haven't come across someone who died of 'bad situations' or breakups or  'things-didn't-work-out-according-to-plan' situations. I know I won't be the first! :)

So listening to the thunder rolling in the distance, I'll pray and most importantly, prepare for rain!

"Nine-nors": A ray of sunlight on a cloudy month!

Getting out of bed these days is a challenge. Maybe it's got to do with the endless hours I spend tossing around in my bed; maybe it's got to do with the fact that the recent change has drained me of my energy and vitality or maybe it's the 'fact' that drama follows me! Heee! But on most mornings, rolling out of bed to face a new day ain't one of my favorite things. But what can a girl do? 'One day at a time' I'd tell myself and try to get through the numbing humdrum I call life. 

So a few weeks back, I resumed my classes with Sam. Remember him? The 11 year old that I help with creative writing. Well, he just turned 12 and I was invited for his birthday party. Needless to say, I was the oldest invitee with the least energy to run around the house. So the other day, I was in one of my evening classes when all of a sudden he asks me what I do during the weekends! "The usual" I replied " I have worship practice on Saturdays, Church Service/ Sunday School on Sunday afternoons and Choir practices after". I later learnt that he joined his school choir a week after our conversation. 

So this is what he told me about his experience in the School Choir.

"Miss Zuali" he chirped, his eyes wide with excitement, "I can sing the highest in my choir. No one can sing as high as I can."

I realized, on further questions, that his choir didn't sing a four part harmony!!

I cringed when I imagine him singing in the choir, an octave higher than the rest yet not knowing that he's out of tune. Then I prompted to tell him about the different harmonies - the air, the soprano, the alto, the contralto, the tenor, the bass. 

"What do you think I can sing?" he asked me as he sang  two lines from a song. 

"I think you'd do well with an air and you can gradually work your way to singing a tenor" I told him. Satisfied, he nodded and we went on with our Shakespeare lessons and the webs and intricacies of "A Midsummer's Night Dream". 

After an hour and a half, I was wrapping up our class when all of a sudden he started.

"Miss Zuali, I think I'll make a good 'Nine-nor' rather than an air"

"A what???"

"A Nine-nor"

"What? Nine-nor?"

"Your told me that the highest male voice is the Tenor. My voice is high enough but since I haven't had any practice, I thought I could start with a part just below the 'Ten-or' - The 'Nine-nor'!!"

^__^

'Nine-nor'. I haven't has such a hearty laugh in such a long time. A ray of sunlight finally getting through a cloudy month! My numbing humdrum finally being given an unsuspected tickle!

^__^

^__^

'Nine-nors'! I haven't come across a word which makes more technical sense! 

Thanks Sam for the sunlight! 

Empty corkboards and New beginnings

The counter was a wee bit high for my 5'3 frame and I somehow climbed a ledge to peer over to take a look at the corkboard until I caught the eye of the very busy salesman. I was with the 'crew' on a mission to hunt down the best badges for the upcoming Spring Festival. So there I was trying to keep up with 4 men who knows exactly what they want, ransacking every stationary store in South Delhi. It was in a store in the little gully where I came across this corkboard, paid for it and took it home with me while the guys were also finally satisfied with their hunt.

The next day, I announced to my roommate that the board is going right up on the wall near my bed. "I'm going to pin it up with inspirational quotes and messages that I need to tell myself everyday" I told her. The royal blue velvet covering the corkboard stood out against my pale yellow walls, the bright color not the only thing that stood out but also because of the fact that it's an empty board. I stared at it time and time again, wishing there was something that I could put up. But my mind is blank, which made me realize that the empty board on my wall is only a projection of this empty mind.

If you've been one of those kind people to stop by and read this blog, you might have noticed that I haven't updated in quiet a while. Well, it's because I've been going through quite a transition in my life and changes aren't always comfortable. Or welcomed.

Life is a cycle after all. There's a time for everything under the sun. And sometimes, no matter how badly you wanted it, you have to let go of some things in life and make decisions that shook your inner being. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to stop it, history repeats itself. And sometimes in life, there are things that just cannot be.

It's time for a New Beginning.

New beginnings aren't always the best things in life. Sometimes it's scary and you're gripped with fear of the unknown. And sometimes you question yourself if you've made  a new beginning or if you've ended your life with the decision.

The corkboard on my wall is blank, life as I've known it has changed and I'm at the start of another unknown journey. But I also know that my corkboard isn't always going to be this way and I live with the hope that no matter how buckled my knees are right now, I'll find strength along the new journey.

And maybe, just maybe, one fine day, I'll look back, miss this empty board and find this present change beautiful. Until then, even with this numbness, I'll stare at my empty board and tell myself that there is so much space for new stories, new words and new pictures.

The Baking Ventures

When it comes to me being a cripple in some womanly skills, I always resort to the lines "I grew up with three brothers" somehow blaming my heritage for my 'unwomanly' ways. This last resort may work for my embarrassment with my lack of make-up skills (until about 14 months ago) and the battle with the high heels still on-going. But with cooking and baking, I cannot say I'm unskilled because I grew up with boys. In fact, growing up with boys should somehow make me more skilled because I'd be the one 'expected' to do all that. But sadly, I'm a bad cook and a worse baker. 

I've often been told that no one will ever marry me because I'm such a bad cook. But somehow, my dad and my brothers are delighted with whatever I spin out in the kitchen last summer when I was home. Ah! Love! Who cares if a man never marries me because of my cooking (un)skills? I still have four men who finishes whatever I kept in the plate.

With baking, I, however, have no experience. My mother bought cakes rather than bake them and the only time I've ever helped bake a cake was when I was in college. We were baking a birthday cake for a girl in our hostel and all I did was beat the eggs. But a few months ago, a Mizo family (here in Delhi) I have as my own bought a new oven - bigger and better than their previous one. So with the thrill of the new toy, we decided to bake. On the first baking try, I couldn't even reach on time because of my late class. By the time I reached, everything was done and all I did was peek from the oven door at the batter changing color and consistency. The cake turned out delicious and I feel it's because I didn't help!!

I was at the same home a week ago when suddenly Muani (the daughter) decided that we should bake. Her mother had bought a new baking mold (a double-heart mold ) and she wanted to try it out. We peered closely at the cake recipe and suddenly decided to be health conscious and that the butter and the sugar was too much. So we cut down on the sugar and added only 1/3 of the the butter from the recipe. The sad part was that we didn't cut out down on the flour and even added more eggs to make the batter more consistent.

After 40 minutes in the 180 degree oven, guess what came out??

Yes! I put the picture on X-large just to scare you!!

I could have sworn the cake was laughing at me! I could have sworn I could hear a boisterous "Haha! You're never meant to bake. Look at me, your failed creation, and go marinate yourself in shame!!"

What the 'failed creation' tastes like?? Cheap dry bread which smells like burnt eggshells!! Yes I know! Why do I give out such embarrassing details? But the comments we received that evening was worse than all these details.

"Kawngsira cake an zawrh chi hi a ang e... 15 man chi ngei mai kha."  - Biaka who still nibbled and ate a piece.

"In kua a puar ange... ei lo mai rawh u." - Nu Mamawii, the mother of that home.

"A tui lutuk. Mahse artui hawng ut rim a nam" - Pa Hminga , the father.

I later learnt that no one in the family would eat it and in the end they gave it to some kitchen staff in Mizoram House! I'm sure the laughing cake got thrown out but I didn't want to hurt myself by confirming my suspicions. After that, Muani and I had to endure a week of jokes and fun made at our expense and our stint at baking. Expert bakers like U Rimawii told us to be extra lenient with the butter and later restrict our portion size if we are indeed 'health conscious'.

So anyways, as stubborn as I am, I know that I'm going to give another go. Today (more like yesterday) is Pa Hminga's 52nd Birthday. And  Muani and I decided that we'd bake him his cake. So we started out as usual. 

I can't even begin to tell you the concern everyone had once we put on our aprons. If there is any unlikely sound while using the grinder, Pa Hminga, the birthday boy would peer from the living room and ask "What's that sound, Zuali?" "Is everything alright, Zuali?". I looked at him and decided that I will not poison him this time around. At least not on his birthday!! So we went whisking and mixing and tasting the batter until it finally went into the oven. 

Whisking! Yeah! We hafta make sure we do it right! 

The first attempt turn out much much better than the last creation but not without flaws. And by flaws I mean, charred bottoms! Heh!

First attempt! A huge burnt chunk had to be scraped off!

Still happy that the cake didn't have the smell of burnt eggshells! :D

The second attempt no longer had the burnt bottom, smells like a cake should and looks good enough to eat. This made it to the birthday cake! :)

Attempt no 3: No burns yeay!!

Ok! This one breaks into a shy grin " I taste much better than your last attempt. I can't laugh at you now"

The third attempt was named 'Slim Jim' by Muani and we left it untouched to be served later to their numerous visitors. (Pa Hminga's house is the unofficial Delhi Mizo Youth Den).

Slim Jim without a crack! Yeah!

There we go!! I should've known that everything becomes perfect with practice. By the time Muani's birthday comes around in March, I told her I'll bake her a 5 tiered birthday cake with  chocolate layers and cream roses. Ha!! I have such high expectations of myself!

And until then, The Baking Ventures continue...

Happy Birthday to Pa Hminga! You deserve a much better cake!! Sorry we couldn't get all 52 candles in there! And please excuse the icing, we still need a lot of practice! :D

The Chronicles of Gopuii

I have a friend. A very dear friend in met here in University. And if I were asked to use a single word to describe her, I would chose nothing less than the word 'unique'. Yep! I've never come across anyone even remotely resembling her or her one-of-a-kind personality. 

It has been a tradition between our friends in campus to christen each other with 'Miho' names - names that we give each other once we came into campus. Some of our names have stuck well with us and among those is her name - 'Lalgo-i' which we lovingly 'pet-named' to 'Gopuii'. I will not explain why she has been given this name or what the names means. I hope the rest of this post will make the name slightly comprehensible.

The first time I met her , I was reminded of Sarah Connor from the movie Terminator 2. But then soft spoken bespectacled girl proved that her smile is the only thing she shared with the gun-trotting woman from the sci-fi movie. In my six years of knowing her, I've never heard her speak an angry word. Yet I've seen her getting pissed one night when the bunch was cooking in a room in a boys hostel and we decided to fry only one kilo of potato. I remembered her pulling her face taunt as she peeled all the three kilos and fry them all by herself. She wasn't going to be short of the loving carbs!

Gopuii is always a second slow, but she's never behind. The guys love to say that her processor's a second late. But she never gets into trouble for it. I guess it's because that's just the way she is and whatever force overlooked her simply accepts her and loves her for it. Sometimes I feel that the universe and its contents stay aligned just for her and her own timing.  One such episodes would definitely be what I'd call the 'Cheraw episode'. I've never seen Gopuii dancing Cheraw with the rhythm of the drum. And if you've known or seen what the dance is like, it's rest assured that she will get injured with each beat. But then of course, with the universe wildly rearranging itself to her timing, she never has any practice accidents. It's always the men who has the accidents. In the end, I remember some of our guys closing their eyes while beating the bamboo, the very moment Gopuii gets into their lane. That way none of them got hurt. Yep! sometimes I'm almost convinced that time waits for Gopuii!!

But sometimes, just sometimes, the universe doesn't always go out of its way for Gopuii. One such 'sometime' would be the Taekwondo class. She couldn't get a belt in her Taekwondo class because she counldn't finish 'the dance' with the right movements and most importantly with the right timing. She practiced so many times, even in bathrooms while brushing her teeth. But she couldn't get it right which in the end made her drop out of the class. The first failure of Gopuii, I must say. The other day, I walked into the Taekwondo class after a badminton match and I realized the class was for kids around ages 10 and below. It made me admire Gopuii for having the persistence to take classes with kids where she'd definitely be the biggest clumsiest one who couldn't even finish the dance.

But why is Gopuii so interesting?

I was told that once she wrapped and packed her desktop with elastic threads for a train journey. She makes sure she wears a Burqa-like covering whenever she goes out in the heat. Well, we all do that in peak heat don't we? But his classmate Biaka, once refuse to catch up with her because she was wearing a towel on top of her baseball cap and an umbrella on her way to class. Gopuii firmly refuses to use an alarm clock because it is always the best to wake up naturally without pushing the body.

Once someone asked me if she's stoned because he saw her walking with her head high, her neck elongated turning slowing from side to side and her lips curled up in a slow private smile. Another friend quickly jumped to her rescue before I could say anything, 'She's always been like that. I bet she doesn't even understand the meaning of getting stoned'. Ah!! She's well loved by all.

And I kid you not. The love can be seen in another episode. Gopuii once contested for the post of the School Councillor in the Student's Union election. I told her I'll help her with her campaigns anyway that I can, but what I could do was little as I wasn't from her school and I don't know many students. But anyway. once we were going towards the school basement to get handouts printed when she suddenly disappeared as we turned a curve. I went hunting for her and found her half an hour later, writing out her name in a piece of paper while talking to people sitting in the computer lab. And needless to say she swept the votes at the School of International Studies squeaky clean. She came out with the highest votes in the seven membered body which was elected.

But the thing which prompted me to write this post is her recent incident at the airport. We all do weird things when we're broke, right! But Gopuii is the only person I've known who asked for a 10 rupee discount in an airport coffee shop because she's broke. She later told me 'unamused' 'An la phallo zui '!!

I'm glad to have someone like her. It reminds me of the different, unique and lovely ways that God created us. If Gopuii had somehow tried to conform or tried to fit in a box, and be someone else. I'm sure she wouldn't be loveble, endearing and funny as she is now!

A few nights back, I texted her asking if I could do a blog post about her. She texted  a positive reply with the line "Don't destroy my future".

Gopui... No one can touch you or your future as long as you have such a kickass attitude. Have a long long blessed life and continue being who you are! 

^_^

Here she is, the beautiful (inside and out) Gopuii, still with remnants of her stint at martial arts!!

(BTW, her real name's Mapuii and nope! She ain't single... :P)